101 Lies Men Tell Women

very funny

1. I'll call you.

2. I love you.

3. You're the only one.

4. I've never felt this way about anyone else.

5. I've got to work late at the office tonight.

6. That's the best sex I've ever had.

7. You've got the most beautiful eyes.

8. No, I'm not married.

9. Sorry. I must have left my wallet and credit
cards at home.

10. You just have to believe me when I tell
you nothing's wrong.

11. I'm ready to make a commitment.

12. Except for a beer or two, I never drink.

13. My wife and I haven't had sex in years.

14. We'll get married as soon as I ...

15. I'll be home in twenty minutes.

16. It's not that I don't care - I just have to
spend more time with my kids.

17. I've only slept with maybe ten women in
my entire life.

18. I've been celibate since we broke up.

19. I could never lie to you.

20. I can still last all night.

21. I always use a con-dom.

22. I can help you get a great job in my company
(field)

23. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up.

24. I tested HIV negative.

25. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up.

26. The only sexual fantasies I have are about you.

27. No, I don't think your thighs (stomach, breasts,
hips, etc.) are too big.

28. I'm too tired.

29. How could you think I'd be interested in her?
She's your best friend.

30. When it comes to oral sex, I'm the best.

31. I've never had any trouble keeping an erection
before.

32. It's you and me, babe - we'll make love all over
Europe.

33. I'd never do anything to hurt you.

34. I want to grow old with you.

35. Believe me, my wife and I live very separate lives.

36. Our having sex won't change a thing between us.

37. Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy.

38. I'm going to leave my wife.

39. You're nothing at all like my mother.

40. Your being a different religion doesn't matter
to me.

41. It doesn't bother me that you make more
money than I do.

42. Even without sex, we'd still be friends.

43. I think older women are the most exciting.

44. I'm considered one of the top people (in my
field, in the company).

45. What attracts me to you is your mind.

46. We'll split all the child care and household
chores fifty-fifty.

47. Of course I don't mind that you didn't come.

48. I've never had an affair before.

49. You're the only one who understands me.

50. I've never been in therapy.

51. You're the best thing that's ever happened
to me.

52. No, I'm not seeing anyone else.

53. I haven't thought about her (old girlfriend)
in years.

54. How many times do I have to tell you I'm
not having an affair?

55. Your career is as important as mine.

56. I promise you that I'll change.

57. I want us to remain close friends always.

58. My wife and I have an understanding.

59. You're wonderful; you deserve someone
better than me.

60. I don't masturbate.
61. Let's be friends first.

62. When you walked through that door, I knew
it was the real thing.

63. I'd like you even if you were a man.

64. It's okay to be good looking, but looks just
don't mean that much to me.

65. The difference between us will bring us even
closer.

66. I spend everything I earn on you and the
kids.

67. No, I never said that.

68. You make me feel like a kid again.

69. I'm going out with the boys (to the gym,
to the office).

70. I'll move wherever you want.

71. Of course I'm not bored with you.

72. As soon as I finish this project (get a
promotion, a raise, make partner), we'll......

73. You've got more sex appeal in your little
toe than my wife's got in her whole body.

74. It wouldn't be you and me anymore if
I used one of those.

75. Let's pool our assets - whatever is mine
is yours.

76. I still find you just as attractive as the
day I met you.

77. Divorce is the farthest thing from my mind.

78. Sure, I'll watch the kids.

79. It's not just the sex I want, it's being close
to you.

80. We'll be spending a lot of time together
when I retire.

81. You're the only reason I've worked so hard.

82. If I didn't have all this work, you know I'd
go with you and the kids to your mom's.

83. No one's ever turned me on like you do.

84. My boss says there's nothing to worry
about.

85. I'll never tell.

86. Relax, she's just a friend.

87. This is just a temporary separation until
we get things worked out.

88. Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic.

89. It was just sex - it didn't mean a thing.

90. Of course I'm listening to what you're
saying.

91. Come on in and we'll just cuddle for a
few minutes.

92. No, I don't think you're fat.

93. You're the woman I should have married.

94. I'm going to be focusing on my work
for a while now.

95. I guarantee you, I'm not the father.

96. Your having kids has nothing to do with
my not wanting to get married.

97. I'm not ashamed of the way you talk (look,
act, etc.)

98. It's nothing personal; I just don't like
sharing my living space with someone.

99. This time I'm really serious.

100. Honestly, honey, it's just for the guys -
none of the wives go to the conference.

101. I'll always take care of you.