Here it is, the secret chart used by bachelors worldwide, because They don't have wives who can recognize on sight (and sometimes Before) when the Big Mac has become one with
the special sauce.
ICE CREAM - If you can't tell the
difference between your ice cubes And your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out.
FROZEN FOODS - Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the Defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be Spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a
IN THE FRIDGE:
EGGS - When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the Egg is probably past its
DAIRY PRODUCTS - Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt.
Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese.
Cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular Cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway -- if you can dig down and Still find something non-green, bon appetite!.
MEAT - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a Three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.
LETTUCE - Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the Bottom of the
vegetable crisper without Comet and a brillo pad.
Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid. Endive never spoils, But you will never eat it anyway.
MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the Mayonnaise is spoiled. Permanently.
CARROTS - A carrot you can tie into a clove hitch in is no longer fresh.
CHIP DIP - If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on The floor, it has gone bad.
UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're
tempted To discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them. If the Original can you put it away in has finally lost it's label, it's Probably
EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator Is a fine old trick, but it only works if you live with someone else.
ON THE SHELF:
CANNED GOODS - Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of A softball should be disposed of ... Very
WINE - Should not be confused with salad dressing.
POTATOES - Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or
dense, Leafy undergrowth.
THE GAG TEST - Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for Leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: - Most food cannot be kept longer than the Average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator To gauge
BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially Acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of Bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good Indications that
your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical Laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard it at this time, Depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals.
CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be Discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the
expiration date, Or when it will no longer fall out of the box by itself.
FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you open it.
Normally eternal, pretzels may be discarded if they can no Longer be picked up without falling apart. Otherwise, there's nothing To stop you from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 4000 Years ago.
Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth.
SALT: It never spoils. However, if you can't chip off reasonable Amounts from the block, maybe another box is in order, as fresh salt Usually pours.
SPICES: Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be Fine on your shelf, forever. Put them in your will.
VINEGAR: If your grandmother made it, it is probably still
EXPIRATION DATES: This is not a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on Groceries. Even dry foods older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your
Camera feature doesn't work. Insert another quarter
The Original Wonder Woman
She's really let herself go.
You eat, you die.
Worst Family Photo Prt. 1
To think such family exist.
On being black .Now show some happy faces..
I Feel Like A Pancake!
Squashing finally makes it's way to the mainstream through the medium of the daytime chatshow. It's only a matter of time before weird Japanese tentacle fetishes and other horrors are being beamed to
wow, check out the socks
Weird World Record
It's a pretty impressive party trick but probably not something that you'd bother putting on your CV. It's kinda hard to believe that there are more than one people competing for the head stair
I knew someone was watching me
Slutty Dog Costume
Makes your dog look slutty.
almost thought that was his nose for a min........ hahahahaha
Who's Gonna Catch It?
judging by where & how the hands are pointing, the guy at the back looking up with his mouth open is gonna get nailed
No wonder all the chicks dig batman
Fighting the invisible man is not easy.
Its a rising trend in japan.
When you get old you just don’t have to care anymore.
Girl Scares & Tazes Boyfriend
There is something wrong with society these days. Women have literally become too big for their boots, I think it is time to go back a step and put them right back in their place (the kitchen). Who's
The Easy Button
Yes you are.
You Can't Park There
I didn't think JCPenney sold planes. But the price was right so I took a chance. Thank God I saved my receipt.
Kicking in Spandex
Nice breasts, lady!
The Burgers Finally Got to Him
Ronald McDonald is now obese. And Asian.
Epic Window Art
It's amazing just how much fun you can have with just a window, landscape, and a few pens. From such simple things, a creative mind can conjure up and offer up a batch of greatness that truly has to
It is weird how addiction lead their life.
Sumo Wrestlers Knock Out Ref
The last time these guys knocked something out that quickly was when they attacked the buffet at the Bellagio.
Oh look its the new Israeli prime minister.... Bling Closby....
She seems focus on it
Captain Mellonhead is the super hero Stan Lee refuses to talk about.
Its a must buy, Its 3 in 1. Nothing to lose
kinda reminds you of skittles ,go taste the rainbow
Surprise Drum Solo Fail
This drum solo was obviously planned because of the spotlight being on him, but his reaction to the limelight probably wasn't planned. Credit to him though, he carries on with the show afterwards!
A weird gallery of those kinds of pics that simply can't fail but make you utterly baffled. It's pretty safe to say that there are some truly strange people out there doing some crazy things. You
probably live near some of them?
Awkward Statue Position
Looks like fire department has no funds for upgrade
Wipe Away Your Sins
If it was that easy there wouldn't be sins.
Customer should be thankful for not waiting too long. But be careful he might end up breaking yours
"Dad, careful. It's falling off"
Heating Up Pizza
No wonder flat iron got same shape of the pizza. It's for heating the tip of the pizza.
Run Through It
It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't diarrhea
How Many People In The Hole?
Hippies, hipsters, festival freaks, whoever they are they just keep on coming out of the opening in the ground. it's enough to boggle the mind. Just how many people are there in this hole?